I, Jeff Bezos, am a big boy with a big truck. VROOOOM!
Truck go BEEP!
Truck go BEEP!

Image: Walter McBride / getty

By Jack Morse

I, Jeff Bezos, super rich adult man and definite Big Boy, like trucks! And construction equipment! And moving dirt! VROOOOOOM! BEEP BEEP!

But you already know this! I told you so! When, yesterday, I hopped into a large front loader (can you believe they let me do this stuff?!) and, in front of a bunch of cameras, picked up some dirt and then DUMPED IT right back onto the same spot!

We’re investing $1.5 billion in our new air hub to get you your packages faster. Three million square feet, and it’s going to create 2,000 jobs. And if you’re guessing that driving a front loader was fun, you’re right! #amazon #prime pic.twitter.com/Cud4orKrC4

— Jeff Bezos (@JeffBezos) May 14, 2019

Like, WOW, right?! Was it necessary in any way?! No! Was it fun?! YOU’D BETTER BELIEVE IT!

“If you’re wondering,” I told the cheering crowd watching me play with my Big Boy toy at the Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport, “that’s fun!”  

But why am I being so silly?! Of course you were wondering! AND IT’S OBVIOUSLY FUN!

SEE ALSO: Sorry, Jeff Bezos is not a ‘style icon’

You’re also definitely curious about my plans for the $1.5 billion air hub I’m having built! Which is obviously why I dumped the dirt, goofballs! The hub will “get you your packages faster[!],” and is scheduled to open sometime in 2021! It will have planes! Planes are like SKY TRUCKS

VROOM VROOM! BEEP BEEP! 

Now excuse me while I go play with my SPACE TOYS! RAAAAAAARRRRRR! BLAST OFF!

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